You give all; you get all.

I want to return to being that reliable friend, even though I feel sick after reading that article shared on Medium—How They Became Doormats in Their Relationships. The article was so blunt and direct, going for the jugular.

You may recognize the characteristics of an overly giving person. They come across as obsequious and too eager to lend a hand. They do so because they need you to need them.

Five common traits found in them are their clinginess, their giving attitude, neediness, accommodating the needs of others, undermining their own needs, and making excuses for others.

Not me.

I am the exception.

Clingy?

I never got jealous when he would spend hours on his phone when I visited him. Was never pre-occupied with what he was doing or not doing with his time, I only wanted to spend time with him when opportune. Dang! I agreed to him going on spring break with his friends when it could have been just the two of us.

Needy?

I never dumped my problems at his feet. It was reverse—I did everything I could for him, even when it wasn’t comfortable. And when I didn’t see reason with what he asked of me the last time, I left him.

He was my first ever committed relationship partner, where the sun, moon and stars rose in his eyes, it was only human of me to want to see the relationship flourish—maybe I begged him for a while, to see reason with me, but when it wasn’t going the way I thought it should, I called off the relationship.

So, as much as I can relate to everything the author wrote about becoming doormats in relationships, I don’t conform to the demeaning characteristics of being needy or clingy.

An excerpt from Call Me Jemila, available on all digital platforms.